My Pinky Promise: An Ode to Always Put Myself First
I have always been a sucker for romance.
And not just any type of romance: I’d always desired the sweetest, gushiest, lovey-dovey, Disney-like romance.
I want to be surprised with beautiful flowers, spoiled with compliments and gifts, taken out on fancy dates, receive thoughtful love letters, and be immersed in deep, raw, passionate and unconditional love.
That’s just my vibe, true #LibraVenus shit.
Ever since I was a child, I would fantasize about growing up, meeting the love of my life and experiencing that epic love that you read about in those classic romance novels. I couldn’t wait to feel the incredible power of romantic love that recording artists sing in their music.
Although my active imagination, gushy fantasies and undeniable love for romance helped shape my high standards, it also served as a double-edged sword: I believed in love and romance, but thought I could solely acquire it from a romantic partner.
This belief system was dangerous and set me up for failure.
At 16, when I first entered the dating scene, I had high expectations to meet my soulmate in college.
My vision was simple: Attend the university of my dreams, meet my Prince Charming either freshman or sophomore year, fall hopelessly in love and enter a relationship with each other, and then get engaged once we’ve both graduated.
Although I’d accomplished the first step of that vision, I began to realize that steps two-four may take a little longer than expected, especially with all these frogs I was coming across.
As I navigated through my dating journey, dealing with the constant dilemma of craving romance and having high standards, I began to question myself and my self-worth.
I wanted romance so bad, but I wasn’t receiving it from the men I was dating. Due to my subconscious belief that you can only acquire romance from a relationship, I began to wonder if I was worthy of my desire.
It took some soul-searching, paired with the mighty forces of self-discovery exercises, self-help books and therapy sessions, to realize that this belief was the furthest from the truth.
Romance doesn’t solely have to come from men and relationships.
I could easily romance myself and provide myself everything I desire from a romantic relationship.
I can buy myself flowers, spoil myself with compliments and gifts, take myself out on fancy dates, write myself thoughtful love letters and cultivate the sweetest, romantic and lovely relationship with ME.
I don’t have to wait for anyone. I don’t have to starve myself of my desires. I don’t have to sit around until I meet my soulmate. I can cultivate a healthy, romantic relationship with myself.
Now, at 24, I am taking the initiative to be my own lover and give myself the world.
Although I still desire a romantic relationship, I promise to put myself first and to continuously pour an endless amount of love, support and adoration into my cup.
Ultimately, this is what led me to start my #DatingDeira series, buy myself a self-love promise ring and write myself a Pinky Promise letter because I wanted to make it official + internationally cultivate a loving relationship with myself.
Here’s what I pinky promised myself:
Note: The typed version is under the picture below. In addition, there are some promises that are not in this image because it was written on the back. I'd included them into the typed version.
MY PINKY PROMISE
I promise to love and accept myself unconditionally.
I promise to choose myself---always and forever.
I promise to always know my self-worth and leave anyone who forgets or chooses to treat me less than what I deserve.
I promise to ALWAYS treat myself like the Queen I am.
I promise to no longer tolerate anything less than what I deserve.
I promise to adore and spoil myself with unconditional love, sweet romance, compliments, self-care and gifts.
I promise to learn, love and accept EVERY aspect of myself---the good, the bad and the ugly.
I promise to be the bestest friend to myself.
I promise to no longer compare myself to others.
I promise to solely seek validation from me, myself and I.
I promise to continuously cultivate a loving, healthy relationship with myself.
I promise to treat myself with the upmost respect.
I promise to look myself in the mirror and affirm myself every day.
I promise to always keep and maintain myself on a pedestal.
I promise to always take care of my mind, body and soul.
I promise to forgive myself for my mistakes, heal from past trauma and be there for myself every step of the way.
I promise to always believe in myself.
I promise to never allow anyone to make me feel like I'm not enough or that I'm too much ever again.
I promise to do the inner work and heal.
I promise to never allow anyone to belittle me. I will speak my mind and my truth unapologetically.
I promise to be my own ride or die.
I promise to be my #1 advocate.
I promise to NEVER go back to any of my exes and move forward in my dating life.
I promise to remain celibate until spring of 2022.
And these promises I shall keep and maintain.
If you would like to watch my #DatingDeira episode where I purchase my self-love ring, please click here. In addition, if you would like to purchase the same self-love ring that I have, please click here.
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If you're really feelin' this blog, comment below ONE promise you want to keep to yourself for the remainder of 2021 and beyond!